Tag Archives: trust

You’re Never Really Alone

You’re Never Really Alone (MJT Psalm 142-145)

A major theme I have noticed on this journey through Psalms is that you are never really alone, no matter how alone you feel.

Loneliness can be a debilitating feeling when it seems like everyone has forgotten you are alive and you are just floating in a vast sea of isolation; it is easy to drown in those motions. It’s true that no man (or woman) is an island. No, in this sea, you are more like a little boy trapped on a boat with a tiger (thanks Life Of Pi for that simile).

Fortunately, even in those moments when we feel we are about to be devoured by the ravenous tiger, we are not as alone as we may feel. This is the moment when calling out to God feels so pointless, but it is when we need to the most because he knows the way back to shore even when it seems impossible (and he can protect us while we journey there). 

If you have known me for any length of time you would know that I’m a slow processor of information. This is off-putting to a lot of people because I don’t always respond right away in conversation–or worse, I do and whatever I say makes sense in my head, but requires my conversation partner to clarify what they meant. My delayed processing sometimes makes conversations with me kind of difficult and people will often misjudge my silence for arrogance, shyness or stupidity…when often I wish people would just give me a moment. But we live in a fast-paced world and so I live a lot of my life in my own head. Because of this, I have a hard time letting people in when they do stick it out to be my friend. This leads to a lot of self-propagated isolation on a fairly regular basis. That tiger and I have been stranded on that boat more than once and finding my way back to shore can be exhausting.

But there’s something really cool about what happens when I let God roam in my head space with me. I have to make a concentrated effort to do this; it doesn’t come naturally to me. When I actually let down my guard and let Him tame the tiger instead of always trying to do it myself, He gives me a much-needed perspective shift that changes everything! Suddenly the water surrounding me is beautiful and life-giving and not a treacherous trap. It becomes a place to explore and the adventure becomes a learning opportunity. The tiger even turns into a companion–sometimes a kitten–to offer comfort and not a threat to my existence.  I’m no longer a trapped little child, but a grown person ready for battle–whatever that battle might be.

After David was anointed as future king, he went from fighting animals twice his size to battling men who towered over him (quite literally). He was just a boy when he defeated a giant and was then placed in command of an army of 1000 men, most of whom were likely older than he. Somehow he was to lead them into battle with bigger, more experienced Philistines, and what’s worse, his own King sent him out hoping he would die in battle. David had no experience and no support from those who were supposed to be his allies. But he didn’t need it! God had prepared him for the battles ahead because David let God be in control and at the center of everything he did.

And we can be the same. Because no matter what life throws at us, God is in control and He sets us free from whatever imprisons us, whether it is bitterness, shame, insecurity, hatred, lies…anything. Like David, I can Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul. (Psalm `143:8)

And so can you.

Waiting…SUCKS! (My journey through Psalms: 40-41)

Let’s be real. Waiting just sucks sometimes. But that doesn’t negate the fact that sometimes not only do we HAVE to wait, but it’s actually for the best that we do.

When I was a kid I wanted SO BADLY to go to the Backstreet Boys concert (yes, I will always have a special place in my heart for BB. 90s boy bands. Yes.) I thought that if I didn’t get to go, my life would be o-v-e-r. One by one I watched all my friends go to a concert–it wasn’t fair. Why couldn’t I be one of the lucky ones? So I did the only thing I could. I…waited.

Until one day, one magical day, I got THE phone call.

We got the tickets! My aunt and Uncle had waited forever, called in favors, begged, pleaded and filly they landed tickets for my special birthday surprise. And you know what? The concert was special for a number of reasons. It was a surprise. It was a gift from special people (my aunt, uncle, mom and dad). And because I waited.

I know what my parents had to sacrifice to get me there and to make my little teeny bopper dream come true. I wasn’t disappointed, but more importantly I was even more grateful because of the waiting.

If my aunt, uncle, mom and dad will do something that special just to make my little heart shine, how much more will my Heavenly Father turn is omniscient eyes to my longings? My desires mean more to him than they do to my parents. I know that calling out to Him sometimes feels like it takes too much energy, that maybe even He’s stopped listening. But I remind myself that just because I asked my parents over and over and over for the same thing, it doesn’t mean they stopped listening to me. Or even that they don’t care. Sometimes as much as they want to give me everything my heart desires…they can’t.

God has power to grant my wishes, but he’s not a genie. Sometimes he doesn’t answer because it is what is best for me in the end. He knows more than I do. He sees more than I do. He wants to give me the desires of my heart, but sometimes He can’t because what I want isn’t in my best interest, or even the best interest of those around me.

My parents did a pretty good job raising me. They didn’t give me everything I ever asked for, but when they did say no–I learned a valuable lesson: you are not the center of the universe. No sometimes is better than yes. And waiting…waiting will teach you to value and honor a gift in more ways than being granted that desire really ever can.

Which is why I can see the parallels and understand how waiting can be a good thing.

Even when it sucks.

Because “Blessed is the [wo]man who makes the Lord his [or her] trust and many, Lord my God, are the wonders you have done” 40: 4a; 5a)