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His Love Endures Forever

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His Love Endures Forever (My journey through Psalms 135-138)

Unlike most people in this world, I have been almost struck by lightning at least 3 times in my life. When I say almost I mean, it didn’t actually hit me, but it hit close enough to me that I could feel the vibrations of power and see the effects of the strike.

The first time I was hiking with my parents and sister. I was too young to really remember the details, but my mom has related the story to me. We were caught in the mountains when a summer storm rolled in unexpectedly and, though they high tailed it off the mountain with my sister and me in tow, the lightning struck around us enough to destroy some tree limbs etc.

The next time I was at Girl Scout camp and lightning struck our cabin in the middle of the night. I remember the deafening crack and the cabin shook under the pressure. When we all gathered outside part of the cabin had broken off and lay at our door.

More recently I was in a car with my best friends. It was raining so hard we decided not to continue and pulled into a grocery store parking lot. Next to us, a light pole was struck and shook so violently I thought for sure it would fall and crush us in the vehicle, but it did not–though the alarms in the bank across the street went absolutely bonkers.

To say I am leery of storms would be understating it. For a large part of my life, I remained terrified. People would talk about the beauty in the storm, but all I saw was raw uncontrollable power.

While I am still weary about storms, and probably more cautious than the average adult, I have drawn a different conclusion about these awesome events–they are beautiful, they are powerful, but they are also representative of God’s perfect, enduring love.

God’s perfect love is raw and uncontrollable by our human hands, power, and will. I’m not talking about romantic love or lust that you see in the movie where you are ‘so overcome’ by the feelings that you throw caution to the wind and make stupid mistakes. No, that is not God’s love.

God’s love strikes us, and when it does, it changes us and charges us. Sometimes it is beautiful, sometimes it feels destructive, but it is also filled with power that is unique to God and it endures, meaning it never changes. His love is constant, just like storms.

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Following the Rules

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Following the Rules (my journey through Psalms 119)

I don’t understand people who intentionally rebel against the rules.

Seriously. I don’t.

When I was in high school, my friends had curfews and had to call their parents at certain intervals to check in. Most of them had a strict rule system they were supposed to follow…sometimes they did, and sometimes they really didn’t.

As a kid, I always wondered why my parents didn’t give me the same strict guidelines, but as an adult I now (think) I know why.  I was WAY harder on myself than they ever had to be.

This is who I am.

On the Enneagram, the call it a “type 1”, the reformer (I don’t remember if I have talked about this before or not on this blog, but if I haven’t, you should really look this up. And even take the test. I am not what you would call a ‘people person’, but this institute has really helped me gain insight into others, and particularly what motivates them. In writing, it has helped me create more dynamic characters too. It’s fascinating.).  I love rules.

Psalm 119 speaks straight to that rule-loving, do-the-right-thing inner soul of mine. And I love it.

That doesn’t mean I always do the right thing. Lord knows I make a bundle of mistakes just like the next person, but my default setting is to follow these rules and be rewarded for my pains.

Get the A.

Get the recognition.

Get the appreciation.

Unfortunately, I don’t always like the fact that I do what is right and somehow that recognition and/or reward is not exactly what I expected; meanwhile, Joe Schmoe does whatever the hell he pleases and, by all appearances, is the more successful one.

What happened to righteous justice? To the natural order of things? To do what is right and be rewarded?

I’ve been learning a lot lately about obedience. I’ve never had much of a problem being obedient if I can understand why I must be obedient. Don’t touch the stove, you’ll get burned. Gotcha, I don’t want to be burned so I can follow that rule!

Like most people, I struggle to be obedient when the outcome is a little more…ambiguous. You want me to do what now? Give money to someone in need? But, what about my needs? I can’t afford to give any extra money–unless I want to eat Ramen for the next month or two.

Sometimes I’m obedient. 

Sometimes I’m selfish.

But that’s not what God wants from me, is it? He doesn’t want me just to follow the rules that keep me safe. He wants me to walk in his ways, to become less about recognition and more about recognizing others’ needs. He wants me to do WELL, not just to do RIGHT.

Do well, the right thing, and you will be accepted.

Not by the world, no, you may never be accepted by the world (let’s face it, Ash, you’re kind of a weirdo!), but you will be accepted by God. If this were the world’s definition, doing the right thing would lead to health, wealth and popularity.

But God does not follow the ‘natural’ order of things, he is supernatural and his definition is pretty eccentric: do the right thing and be accepted could lead, well, anywhere he needs you to be.

And it will be amazing.

 

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The Paradox of God’s Character

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The Paradox of God’s Character (my journey through Psalms 110-118)

True honesty is a myth among the human race. As the boy Macduff observes to his mother in Macbeth:

And must they all be hanged that swear and lie? […] Who should hang them? […] Then the liars and swearers are fools, for there are liars and swearers enough to beat the honest men and hang up them. (Act 4 scene 2)

And he’s right. Honesty is out of fashion and has been since the fall of Eden. So it is no wonder that we sometimes judge God by our human standards. Even though we are made in the image of God, he is not human (he chose to become human as Jesus, but even so he retained his divinity), which means his character is not like that of the liars and swearers of Earth.

I think C. S. Lewis expresses the paradox of God’s character best in the novel The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe when the children ask if Aslan (an allegorical representation of God) is safe, Mr. Bever responds with:

“Safe?” said Mr. Beaver; “don’t you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.”

This, paired with the psalms, leads me to draw a few conclusions about God that prove he is not hopelessly flawed like the human race.

God is unchanging

Humans have a hard time with change. Some people love it, but the vast majority of us have a hard time adjusting to any kind of change. Sure, it helps us grow and keeps us from being bored out of our minds, so change can be good, but adjusting to it is always a challenge. I wonder if this is because our hearts yearn for the one we were created in the image of an unchanging, steadfast, unsafe, King.  Psalm 110:4 says that “the Lord has sworn and will not change his mind”; Psalm 117:2 reiterates this with “For great is his steadfast love toward us, and the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever”;  Psalm 118 repeats over and over again that His steadfast love endures forever. And this is just here in the psalms–the rest of his word is filled with other examples of how he is unchanging. He is alpha and omega–the same today, yesterday and forever.

God is faithful and just

When I think about the character of God, I am constantly reminded of the Israelites’ wandering through the desert. Over and over again they complained and whined and forgot about the Lord’s provisions. Over and over again Moses spoke to God, intervening for this unfaithful grumbling. Over and over again God demonstrated his faithfulness by sticking to his chosen people, but still like any loving father, teaching them that actions have consequences–proving his justice is real. As Psalm 111:7 says, “the work of His hands are faithful and just: all precepts are trustworthy. ” And God values this kind of faithfulness in his people. Psalm 112: 5-6 asserts this: “It is well with the man who deals generously and lends; who conducts his affairs with justice. For the righteous will never be moved; he will be remembered forever.” Remembered by the original and most high judge.

God is giving

When I feel like I’ve been overlooked, or forgotten, because (just being vulnerable here) this is something I struggle with a lot. A sense of insignificance. I have to remember that God is the giver of all good things. He wants to bless his people. He wants us to walk with him, not just talk about him or fear him. Psalm 113:9 is evidence: “He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children.” Having a barren home can be…debilitating, even in our culture. And I’m not just talking about the inability to bear children, but the isolation that comes with perpetual singleness–and the way our culture seems to ask “what’s wrong with you” if you are not in a relationship by the time you are 30…or even earlier than that if you are a woman. God doesn’t see something is wrong with a woman who is ‘barren’ in any sense of the word. No. He sees an opportunity to give, to bless, and to honor this woman for her faithfulness and that is a hope that I hang on to every single day (no pun intended). Because, as Psalm 115:12-13 says: “The Lord has remembered us; he will bless us; he will bless the house of Isreal; he will bless the house of Aaron; he will bless those who fear the Lord, both the small and the great.” If I believe that God is unchanging, faithful and just then you better believe that he is one who will bless and give the most amazing gifts. Even if it’s not in the timing we might prefer.

God is not Safe.

I have been reading an excellent book by Mark Buchannan entitled Your God is too Safe. If you haven’t read it, you should start immediately. In our culture we have created this image of God–this cuddly, hang it up in the Sunday school image of a man in a white robe cuddling a lamb and smiling down at children. Sure, that may depict a fatherly image of God, but it’s not the whole picture. It neglects to consider the power of God. The mind-blowing awesomeness that is wrapped up in an all-powerful being who has no beginning and no end. Who can destroy us with one word–or heal–or create–or bless–a multifaceted triune of holiness that can’t be put in a nice little box that we take out with our Sunday best and then put away while we live the rest of our lives. The being who frightens and commands the seas and storms. Psalm 114:3-8a sums it up with “What ails you, O sea, that you flee? O Jordan that you turn back? O mountaints that ou skp like rams? O hills, like lambs? Trembel, O earth, at the presence of the Lord, at the presence of the God of Jacob who turns the rock into a pool of water…” Our God is not safe, nor should we try to make him so. But he is good, and for that we should ever be thankful.

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Adjusting our Attitudes

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Adjusting our Attitudes: My Journey through Psalms (108)

My heart is steadfast, O God; I will sing and make music with all my soul. Awake, harp and lyre! I will awaken the dawn!  Psalm 108:1-2

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Growing up, my church put on a yearly children’s musical. I’m sad that this is kind of rare in churches now, but I understand. There is so much demand out there for a family, their time, their energy. Not to mention volunteers. Finding people who are willing to volunteer their time on Sundays is hard enough; soliciting someone to spend several weeks teaching kids to sing and perform is a challenge of astronomical proportions. At any rate, it is one of the things I enjoyed…most of the time.

I was not particularly talented, but boy did I want to be! I practiced all the time. I auditioned for the lead role every year. I wanted to prove something to that church, and maybe to myself, about my talent.

Honestly, all I really proved (most of the time) is my lack of star quality. I was a good supporting role, but I was not meant to be in the spotlight.

Except for one time.

One year, the lead was not a female role. I can’t remember the storyline, but usually, it had something to do with Christmas, so I feel like it was a shepherd or something. Anyway, miracle of miracles, I got the lead role. I was to be the singing shepherd. Center stage. In the spotlight, finally.

And I put my heart and soul into that role. I did a pretty good job if I do say so myself, but that’s not what I remember about this moment. This role.

What I remember the most is the kind of dedication it took to be the starring role. I remember how I hated to miss a rehearsal; I remember how some of the other girls and I interacted in not so pleasant ways;  I remember how I felt when it was over, but mostly I remember the way it made me feel incredibly special. Important.

And that is how we are supposed to treat God every single day.

He should have the starring role. He should be incredibly special. Our dedication and devotion to Him should be so complete that we loathe to miss out on time with Him.

Most of the time, though I find that I treat God like a supporting role. Someone who is there for me when I need him, but not the star. Not the one at center stage at all times.

God is not the supporting role. He’s not our backup singer. His

star quality should dazzle us every day.

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It is so easy to wake up and ask God to support our dreams, but what we should do is wake up, thank him, praise him and ask him how we can support his purpose.

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Often, I find, when I adjust my attitude in this way, my dreams realign to his purpose for my life. And when I become the supporting role, it’s kind of an amazing production.

He has given us so much.

It’s time to make Him the star.

 

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Wilderness Reminders

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Wilderness reminders: My Journey through Psalms 105-107

When the Israelites wandered through the desert, they became well known for one thing: grumbling. They had no food. Grumble. They had no water. Grumble. They didn’t like the food. Grumble. They were tired. Grumble. Grumble. Grumble. Despite the fact that God constantly reminded them of his provision (by miraculously providing for them multiple times–daily really), their default was clear: grumble. grumble. grumble.

Earlier in my faith, when I would read these passages I would judge them pretty harshly. How could they continue to whine and complain when bread was literally falling out of the sky and they were following a pillar of fire? God’s glory really doesn’t get any clearer than that. It’s in front of your face!

The older, and dare I say, wiser I become I realize more and more how arrogant that is. Because I do the same thing every day. Instead of remembering His grace and goodness, I tend to focus on what he hasn’t done for me, rather than what He provides for me.

As Psalm 106 states before going into the history reminders: “Honor His holy name with Hallelujahs, you who seek God. Live a happy life!” That last comment in verse 3 is really a command: honor him, seek him, and live happy. Remember his promises and focus on the blessings, what he has done for you. That is the secret of a happy life.

Why? “Because he’s good, because his love lasts,” Psalm 107:1 answers. And reassures in verse 3 that “You’re one happy man when you do what’s right, one happy woman when you form the habit of justice.”

I may not walk through a literal wilderness, but these wildernesses still exist in my life–in everyone’s life. Because let’s be real, life is not all sunshine and rainbows. Life is hard. Life is unfair, or at least it feels that way. And life can be lonely. Really lonely when you are isolated in the wilderness and it looks like everyone else around you is enjoying favor in the land of milk and honey.

I know I’ve written about this on the blog before, but it’s life and it’s where I am right now. I am in a wilderness of singleness. And it’s hard. And heartbreaking. And lonely.

Sometimes.

Usually, it’s all those things when I focus on what I lack. What I want. What God HASN’T given me. Like the Israelites grumbling about not having the promised land, or food right when they want it, I grumble about what I think my life should be instead of turning inward to focus on what life IS right now. What he has blessed me with. And why.

But “Oh thank God–He’s so good! His love never runs out. All of ou set free by God, tell the world! Tell how he freed you from opression…” Psalm 107 is quick to remind us just how much God HAS done for us. And, quite frankly, how beautiful his provision is.

And as I work toward transformation I see it. I see the blessings day in and day out. I focus more on them and less on my selfish desire to want what I want when I want it!

Because “if you are really wise, you’ll think this over–it’s time you appreciated God’s deep love” (Psalm 107:43). In the wilderness or in the land of milk and honey…

God. Never. Changes.