Tag Archives: listen

AUTHENTIC: MARTHA

March 17, 2019 ashleymcarmichael 2 Comments

How did I get into this mess?

I’m sure this questions has wandered through your mind on more than one occasion, depending on your situation what preceded it could have been anything—after all one of our specialties as humans is getting in over our heads and trying to back out only to find ourselves sinking faster and farther.

For me, these are the words I utter when all the things I have said yes to come raining down on my head all at once and threaten to drown me in a sea of responsibilities. Because once I commit to something…I commit to it. Sometimes too much. The curse of perfectionism (yeah, I know it’s not healthy and somewhat sinful…that’s why I called it a curse) is the constant struggle of trying to do everything and trying to do everything right.

I like to be busy, but the downside to that is sometimes I get too busy and forget the things that really should matter.

Can you relate? Even if you don’t overextend yourself as much as I do, I feel as though we can all allow our busy-ness to get in the way of our healthy-ness.

Martha sure can.

She was the epitome of allowing all that she was doing get in the way of her being. Because God isn’t a God of doing. He is a God of being. That’s why his name is I Am not I Do.

Family Responsibilities

We are first introduced to Martha in Luke 10. She lives in a little town of Bethany (about 2 miles from Jerusalem) with her sister, Mary, and her brother, Lazarus. This trio is, if not inseparable, at least incredibly close. Never is any mention of any other family made, so I can’t help but wonder, did Martha have a husband? If not, why? The text, Luke 10:38 tells us that Martha welcomed Jesus into her house. Does this house belong only to her, or is simply a reference to her hospitality? I don’t know. I like to think that she was a strong, single woman, but I know how unlikely that would be given the cultural context, but what I do know is that husband her not, she is recognized as an important part of Jesus’ story.

The whole account is recorded in Luke 10:38-42, and aside from the family relationships, we are told two things 1) Martha welcomed Jesus into her home and 2) she was distracted with much serving.

Because God isn’t a God of doing. He is a God of being. That’s why his name is I AM not I DO

Whoa.

I don’t know about you, but if Jesus came to my house in the flesh, I’d be a little distracted too! Not only would I worry about the smells and cleanliness, but I’d be super busy trying to keep him—and his entourage—fed and happy! Because let’s face it, Jesus didn’t travel alone and any time he went anywhere a crowd was sure to follow. Not only was she responsible for the comfort of 13 men (Jesus +disciples) I am certain others kept showing up. It is her home! As a southern woman, I can relate to the pressure she must have felt to make sure everyone was feeling comfortable and served.

But then, there is Mary.

Martha is working herself to a frenzy…and where is her sister? Sitting! Sitting and listening!

In Martha’s mind, she sees her sister sitting at the feet of Jesus and is burned up with anger. How dare her sister come into her home and act so selfishly?

Boy can I relate to that—Most of the time I love the busy life. I love serving. I love making sure that jobs get done that other people find unpleasant.

But every once in a while, I see someone else sitting…and typically it’s someone who hasn’t seemed to do anything at all to be helpful with whatever it is I am working on.

And there they are, sitting and chatting while I am running around doing, doing, doing.

I can imagine what was going through Martha’s mind—no servant’s heart, but anger and jealousy as she watches her sister do nothing. I know, because I have experienced the same—what started out as a selfless act turned into a need for recognition.

Becoming so distracted with serving that you literally forget why and who you are serving in the first place.

Well finally Martha has had enough and she orders Jesus to send her sister in to help. Yep, you heard that right, she gives Jesus an order.

I actually see this scene in my mind quite clearly as Jesus cocks his head to one side and studies Martha. He hasn’t even touched the plate she sat in front of him—because he’s been talking and teaching the whole time. He looks around the room and sees all the faces—these humans who are so hungry for him they also haven’t touched any of the food. In this moment of quiet they might nibble something, but most of them are eagerly leaning forward to see what he might say—after all it is this moment that might define the gender roles forever—are men the only ones who can enjoy and benefit from teaching while the women serve? Are women subservient? Second class?

And then he responds.

Stop doing so much, Martha. Stop all those action verbs—serving, working, troubling—stop doing and be with me more.

Listen then Serve, Not Serve then Listen

Jesus didn’t tell her that serving was bad. He just told her that she was worrying too much about things that don’t matter! That she needed to recenter her focus—less on what she was doing and more on who she was with!

In all her serving she had forgotten that she stood in the presence of Jesus.

She was so busy she almost missed it.

It doesn’t tell us how Martha responded. But given her actions the next time we meet up with her, I like to think she went a little slack jawed, then looked around the room and saw what Jesus saw.

And then she stopped to listen.

Why do I think this? Because Martha was also the sister who lost her brother, Lazarus. She sent for Jesus to come heal him, because she knew that he could, and then she waited. And watched. And nursed. And witnessed her brother die.

I have a sister. And a brother. I feel Martha’s struggles. I feel her pain. And while I don’t know if she is the oldest, I want to believe she is the middle kid given all her striving for perfection and acceptance. But it’s hard to say. Regardless, I feel this story on a deep and spiritual level. Watching someone you are close to—your brother—die and not being able to fix it is something akin to falling into a deep, deep well.

Down, down, down…

And then..

SMACK.

From that well, you hear Jesus. And you call out to him, as Martha did in John 11: 20-21, Lord, if only. If only you had come sooner! I know your power. I know your love. If only.

And then she could have stopped, but her next words are why I think she listened in her own home early—why I think she listened.

Even now I know that whatever you ask from God, God will give you. John 11:22

Hope. Even at the bottom of that dark well, Martha found hope, not anger and righteous indignation we saw earlier in the story. She found light. The light. And she reached for it, and professed her faith loudly, firmly and with conviction of one who listened.

Yes, Lord; I believe that your re the Christ, the Son of God, who is coming into the world. John 11:27

We don’t hear that profession of faith from a lot of people in the Bible, but Martha is one of them who states it firmly and without hesitation and it is recorded for all to hear and remember throughout history.

Yes, Martha listened, but her practical nature can never be denied (um, Jesus, she says when he wants to open the tomb, he’s been in there a while…it’s gonna, you know, smell pretty bad…)…and honestly, I find a lot of comfort in that. Jesus changes our hearts and our motivations, but each of us is unique and he doesn’t want to change that about us. He accepts our unique qualities and even encourages it.

It is, after all, Martha’s home Jesus returns to 6 days before the Passover, where she serves him—only days before he is to die. Jesus seeks those who seek to serve and honor him. Even if he does have to correct them from time to time. We are, after all, just humans.

Live it

Holding Patterns

February 24, 2019 ashleymcarmichael Leave a comment

There are some times in life when you feel like life is moving forward. You get a new job. You meet someone new. You get married. A baby is born. You travel to a new place.

There are other times in life where you seem to be in a holding pattern. Nothing moves forward, nothing catastrophic pulls you under, you aren’t going backward—you are just…marking time. You get up. You go to work. You do your thing. You come home. On repeat.

I don’t love holding patterns. I find them a little depressing. No, not depressing. Frustrating. Kind of like, okay God, have you forgotten me down here? Kind of feeling.

But then I reflect back on times when life is crazy, moving forward and changing, and I realize that in those moments I was wishing for something a little more stable. I don’t like change…and yet I need change to feel like I’m really living my life. It’s one of those geeze, Ash, could you stop being so darn human for one second and just be satisfied with all the ways you’ve been blessed…kind of situations.

Photo by William Stitt on Unsplash

So the more I mark time in this holding pattern season of my life the more I start to realize it’s actually a blessing—“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven” (Ecclesiastes 3:1) —or in the case of a holding pattern a season for every inactivity as well

A Time to Listen

I am actually a really bad listener. If I had a nickel for every time I said “huh, I think we’ve had this conversation before”, simply because I asked a question I should have already known the answer to, I’d be able to retire. Most people forgive me for this, because despite the fact that I have the same conversation sometimes multiple times, it is not out of malicious intent—and most people know I really do care—but I don’t always listen with the purpose of remembering or internalizing. I think this evolved as a way to keep me from losing my mind. I’m naturally very introverted, but on average in one day I have hundreds of conversations…that may be an exaggeration, but I’m really not sure that it is (math…I have 25-30 kids in each class and I try to personally talk to most if not all of them at least once during the class period, though I’m not always successful. Then there is the mornings when I open my room for students because I get there early before the library even opens and kids like to have a place to sit. I’d say a good 15 or 20 are in there, then at morning duty I talk to people in the halls, then at lunch my room is never empty. Never…so okay hundreds is probably an exaggeration, but still. That’s a lot of conversing).

The point is, I’m not good at listening, because although I have these conversations, listening but I am very good at hearing. (As a caveat I should say I’m not good at every-day listening, but when something is really important, I’m much better able to tune in and internalize what is being said).

Holding patterns are great for learning to listen. There aren’t as many distractions and honestly it’s a skill we all could use some practice at. This semester I’ve had the privilege of teaching a creative writing course, and it has been so incredible. Just having the time to actually talk and listen to seniors as they prepare to enter the ‘real world’ which, if we are being honest, they’ve already begun the process of by this time in the semester, has really shifted my focus. Sure, I’m in a personal holding pattern, but these young adults are just getting started and the listening I do…I mean, it’s great.

But that also gives me time to just listen at home to…if I can put away the distractions long enough (Netflix is truely evil in the sense that it can be such a time suck…and Gardenscapes…Heaven help me). God puts us in holding patterns sometimes to get our attention. It’s not that he has forgotten us, it’s that we have forgotten him and he just wants to give us the time to listen.

Get up. Listen. Go to work. Listen. Do your thing. Listen. Come home. Listen.

A time to kill

No, I don’t mean to plan out the serial murders of all those who have hurt you. I mean I time to kill self-doubt. A time to kill worry. A time to kill all those little lies that have crept into your consciousness during those busy times.

Sure, this kind of killing off should be happening all the time, but during the holding patterns they become more evident. That’s when you have a choice: listen to the lies, or kill the lies and replace them with truth. You’ve got the time to really build that truth storage, so take it.

Get up. Listen. Kill the lies. Go to work. Listen. Do your thing. Listen Come home. Listen. Store up truth.

A time to heal

Along those same lines, holding patterns give us time to heal from the wounds, changes, surprises, disappointments etc. of the moving forward time. It’s funny we don’t really think we are that wounded until we have time in life…a holding pattern…in which we can reflect. It’s in these moments that if we allow God to enter in we can start to heal.

Get up. Listen. Kill the lies. Go to work. Listen. Do your thing. Listen Come home. Listen. Store up truth. Heal.

And in that pattern, God reveals his wisdom, love and plans…that’s when I notice the healing really starts. At least for me.

A time to build up

A holding pattern gives us time to grow and learn. We aren’t as worried about time, people, or things so we focus on our own healing and growth. Organisms that can adapt, change, and grow survive. Those that can’t, don’t. God blesses us with holding patterns to give us time to breathe and adapt.

Get up. Listen. Kill the lies. Build up & store knowledge. Go to work. Listen. Do your thing. Listen. Come home. Listen. Store up truth. Heal. Build up knowledge.

Because the truth is, holding patterns can be frustrating or they can be blessings. It’s up to us (me, sigh) to decide how we are going to use each season God grants us. When we start to see the potential in every season, that’s when we truly start to live.

Learn it

Listen, Learn, and Let Go

July 8, 2018 ashleymcarmichael Leave a comment

Listen, Learn, and Let Go (MJT Psalms 140-141)

I used to think the world was against me any time someone criticized a choice I made. Even if I asked for advice or wisdom on an issue, internally I would think what do they know anyway? They’re not living my life. They have no idea how to deal with my problems.

I made enemies of a lot of people who were just looking out for me, or who were trying to help me grow and see things from a different perspective. I saw criticism as attacks, differing opinions as judgment, and advice as antagonism. I spent a lot of time and energy at war with people in my mind.

And then I became a teacher.

Quickly I realized other people have answers I scoured my world for because they had experience and knowledge. Life is lived in patterns, finding those patterns and learning from people who come before is the trick to good teaching–and good living.

Psalm 140 is a call from the poet to God for protection and rescue from the evil one(s). There are real enemies in our lives, and I suspect the poet actually experienced true persecution, but really when you look at life objectively there is just one enemy causing conflict with lies and deceit every day. As I read from 140 to 141 I realized for me it is less about an external enemy, but the enemies I create in my mind. The ones who preach pride, stubbornness, and grudge-holding that keep me isolated and angry. These lessons in 141 reflect the answers to defeating the enemies of 140 in three simple steps: Listen, Learn, and Let go.

LISTEN (Psalm 141:1-2)

When you call for God to hear you, you can’t forget to listen to his response. And not only hear it but really listen. There is a difference. God doesn’t ignore our cries for help, but sometimes we don’t like the answer and that pride keeps us from moving forward in all our relationships. More importantly, it keeps us from the growth and plans God desires for us. Plans to prosper us (Jeremiah 29:11) because he knows us, and knit us together in the womb (Psalm 139:13).

LEARN (Psalm 141:3-5)

Learning from our own past mistakes is easy. Learning from the wise people in our lives is the hard part of growing and leaning into the plans God has for us. God has no desire to see us in pain, and if we are honest, most often we create our own sticky situations by not listening and learning from those who have already been there, done that. In Ecclesiastes 1:9, Solomon aptly observes there is nothing new under the sun. Boy was he right. The more time I spend watching teenagers ignore my (and other’s) advice, the more I see the truth in this statement. And I get it. I once ignored a lot of advice, but imagine what rich lives we could live from the get-go if only we lived Psalm 141:5! Life is lived in patterns; it’s seen in literature over and over again and if we pay attention we can see it in our own lives. A lesson I wished I’d learned earlier.

LET GO (Psalm 141:8-10)

The most important lesson we can listen and learn from is ultimately to let go of what is not in our control–which really is everything. The famous missionary and Bible teacher Oswald Chambers put it this way in My Utmost for His Highest:

To become one with Jesus Christ, a person must be willing not only to give up sin, but also to surrender his [or her] whole way of looking at things. Being born again by the Spirit of God means that we must first be willing to let go before we can grasp something else.

Essentially, let go and let God! It’s funny how often we will cry out to God for something and then step in God’s way to try to grasp it for ourselves. Like Sarah (Genesis), to whom God promised a son, determined to fulfill the prophecy handed her maidservant to her husband. Sure, she got a son…sort of…but it created a whole mess of problems we still encounter in today’s world. *By the way, this is a pretty prominent theme in literature as well. See, patterns!*

Here’s my own example.

I have been asking God to meet my future husband for a long time. More than once I have asked God for direction and then decided, like Sarah, to take matters into my own hands. Why? Because I’m impatient. As a result, I have endured quite a few BAD internet dates. And I mean wishing you could crawl out the bathroom window bad. I have nothing against internet dating. In fact, I know quite a few people who have had success in meeting and marrying people they have met through one dating website or another. This knowledge has brought untold frustration and insecurities when nothing seemed to produce a similar success story in my own life.

And then I got so frustrated and exhausted, I was so broken I actually waited to hear from God (I know, I’m 32 years old, and I KNOW what I should do, but I don’t always do it. I’m human. Sorry to disappoint). Lo and behold, when I stopped to listen, I heard. One morning when I was cranky, sleep deprived, and annoyed by an internet match I really wanted to make work (the snarky comments about teachers in high school always being on their cell phones was really the straw that broke the camels back), I heard God speak.

Online dating is not the answer.

Aw man! Really, God? Why didn’t you tell me this sooner?! Do you know how much time, energy and money I have wasted?

Um, yeah. I did. You just weren’t listening. When are you going to learn to let go and let ME be God?

Ouch. Great question. I didn’t really like this answer, and complained about it more than once (okay…so what IS THE ANSWER? Crickets. Sigh. Okay). But soon I got confirmation from two separate sources that these were, in fact, God’s words for me.

So I put on my big girl panties and did my best to listen, learn, and let go. But I am a work in progress (as are we all), which is why the big BUT in Psalm 141:8 holds so much promise for me. I keep doing these things Lord: doubting, fighting, crying out…

But my eyes are fixed on you, o Sovereign Lord…

And when this is true for me, when we truly fix our eyes on HIM and not on ourselves. When we listen, learn, let go, and let God work “we pass by in safety” all the days of our lives, no matter what our future might be.

Phoenix From Ash, llc.