Tag Archives: grace

Authentic :: Bathsheba

I have always been what you might call a “good girl”. I followed the rules, I obeyed my parents, I called home even when my parents didn’t say I had to, I told the truth, I got good grades, I wanted to be perfect.

Then I kind of lost my mind for a few years. I mean like really lost my mind, to the point where I was making unbelievably poor decisions. And you know why? Because of a boy.

Some boys had shown interest in me in high school, but it was usually a rebound thing after they had broken up with a friend of mine, so I shut it down pretty quickly. But this guy was different. He was the first boy who really seemed to like just…me. He was not Christian, but he was mine…for a little while…and I loved him in my own nieve little way. But because I thought I loved him I made a lot of questionable choices. Lines got blurred because he made me feel special–he made me feel seen. Suddenly, this good girl didn’t feel like she was such a good girl anymore.

After going through a long process of redemption, forgiveness, and acceptance I surrendered to the reality that even good girls need grace.

When I got back to the reality of my life, I felt like I had gotten away with something. It was just a season, right? I could walk right back into my good girl ways and everything would be fine. No one would ever know.

Wrong.

You see, those decisions changed me, and because I’d ‘gotten away’ with it once, I made other poor decisions–this time all on my own–but because of the same feelings. People who never talked to me before suddenly wanted to hang out with me. I flirted with lines and with guys I shouldn’t have been flirting with. I drank (now that I was 21) too much–granted most people would have still called me a ‘good girl’ because comparatively I was still making great grades and talking about Jesus, but there, just beneath the surface was the knowledge that it just wasn’t quite right. 

It wasn’t until MANY years later that I realized just how buried it was, and just how far I’d wandered. After going through a long process of redemption, forgiveness, and acceptance I surrendered to the reality that even good girls need grace.

Photo by Oliver Pacas on Unsplash

I feel a lot of sympathy for Bathsheba. She got a bad rap because of one decision and the repercussions of it caused an enormous amount of grief, but her story proves that no sin is too great for God’s forgiveness and his plans will always prevail no matter how badly we lose our minds.

We are Responsible for our Own Wisdom

2 Samuel 11: 1-5 introduces us to the setting, characters, and situation. A classic exposition for a narrative, we find that it is springtime, but more importantly, a time for war campaigns when Kings should be out in command of their army, but for some reason, David, the king of Isreal, decides to stay at home. You know what they say about idle hands and all that, well David is not where he is supposed to be which is simply a set up for the enemy to swoop in. He goes for a walk one night on the roof of his palace (presumably higher than the other domiciles around him) and spies a pretty hot woman bathing. Let’s talk a little culturally before we move on.

1) According to Deuteronomy 22:8 most domestic dwellings were built with a small wall around the roof to protect people from falling and to provide some privacy for the family. So choosing to bathe on the roof during a warm spring night would not have been quite as scandalous as it sounds. It’s entirely possible that Bathsheeba had no idea anyone could see her, let alone the king who, by the way, shouldn’t have even been in the city. Now, do I think it was a wise decision? Eh, probably not, but it certainly doesn’t seem to be a feminine trap or trick. 

2) According to Leviticus 15:19, a woman was ceremonially unclean for 7 days during her menstrual cycle. At the end of this time, she must wash t and then 7 days later offer a sacrifice on the 8th day to become ceremonially clean. The parenthetical in verse 4 helps to set this context, and also explains the timeline–given that Bathsheba became pregnant after this encounter. 

These cultural notes simply add a little context to the story and help me to understand that not everything is quite as it seems. Bathing outside on one’s roof does not show the greatest wisdom, but knowing the possible purpose and the cultural architecture certainly helps me have a little more grace for Bathsheba’s decision making. Still, as women, we must make wise choices because, unfortunately, our femininity can make us vulnerable, and when we make unwise choices it paves the way to situations we simply can’t get out of easily. That doesn’t make these things our fault, exactly, but it does remind us that our choices do matter and it only takes one bad choice to change our lives forever. 

It only takes one bad choice to change our lives forever.

Both parties are clearly at fault here. Bathsheba came from a religious family. She followed the law, even to the point of monthly cleansing after her cycle. By all circumstances, and appearances she was a good girl. Unfortunately, she was not entirely innocent in the exchange. The Bible doesn’t hide rape: Dinah, Tamar, women taken as spoils of war. Granted, David may have used his position of power to manipulate and maybe even seduce this married woman especially when you read  2 Samuel 12: 1-10 and see that Nathan is depicting David as the man who took his neighbor’s lamb and cooked it for a meal. While Biblical scholars can’t quite agree on how they view Bathsheba, either as an adulterous temptress, luring David into sin or an innocent victim, I tend to land in the middle.

Photo by Rod Long on Unsplash

When I place myself in Bathsheba’s position and realize just how difficult it must have been to stand before the king and say ‘no’. Especially since we know David is hot and a little like a rockstar, she did have some choice in the matter. Consider Abigail who straight up told David he was acting the fool and should remember who set him in charge; David wasn’t above reproach by a woman. She did have a choice.

The Snowball Effect

Oh David, my heart breaks when I realize you are just as human as the rest of us–especially when I read the heartbreaking result of the snowball effect in 2 Samuel 11: 6-27. David doesn’t immediately admit his sin, he tries to cover it up. His plan first backfires because Uriah is a good and honorable man, who knows he should be with the army. Instead of returning to his own place in the army, David sends Uriah off to his death. Murder by position.  Problem solved. No one has to know

Wrong. 

David, the man after God’s own heart, was just as susceptible to the corrupting effects of power and the enemy’s lies. This story simply provides more evidence that no human could ever do what Jesus did for the world. It had to be Jesus, because even the man after God’s own heart royally screws
up from time to time (no pun intended).

According to Leviticus 20:10 both David and Bathsheba should have been put to death for their affair. But 2 Samuel 12: 11-23 gives the punishment, and unfortunately as with most of our poor choices, the people around us end up suffering the consequences. Aside from the wheel he set in motion to create division and rebellion in his own home, Bathsheba also loses the baby. A precious innocent child died. On one level, I feel a little angry at the baby having to suffer the consequence, but on another level, I know that baby is safe in the arms of Jesus, so his fate was gracious. 

Photo by Bobby Rodriguezz on Unsplash

Embracing forgiveness

In  2 Samuel 12: 24 & 1 Chronicles 22: 5-13 & 28:5 & Matthew 1: 6 we see the beauty of grace and redemption, as David and Bathsheba will produce a son who will rebuild the temple literally and metaphorically becoming the man whom God will continue David’s line all the way to Jesus. David’s sin was grave, and although Bathsheba was, in my opinion, more victim than not she still participated in the sin of adultery. In spite of this, God’s forgiveness is full and complete.

The last we see of Bathsheba, she is fighting for her son’s promised place as the heir to David’s throne in 1 Kings 1: 11-31. She is no longer a victim—she is in control and fighting for what she believes is right: her son on the throne, which is what God spoke to David as His will. Her transformation is almost palatable. Sure, she made a mistake, but the same is true for her as it is for us: after a long process of redemption, forgiveness, and acceptance Bathsheba too surrendered to the reality that even good girls need grace.

Forgiving others for their wrongdoings is hard, forgiving ourselves is even harder. David and Bathsheba stepped into full forgiveness from God and each other. In the end, they had a total of 5 children together, including Solomon who would become the wisest man in the world; all thanks to God’s grace.

Vulnerabilities

Vulnerabilities: My journey through Psalms (103)

I debated on writing this post because my intention is not for people to feel sorry for me or to feel bad. The whole reason I started this blog was to promote my writing, which, as it happens, tends to focus on the vulnerabilities real people struggle with every day. So, as I was reading Psalm 103 I realized a lot of what I have been feeling is exactly what others have felt for thousands of years. Because, after all, we are humans and we struggle with a vast array of emotions that are interconnected throughout our lives and our own histories as well as the world’s history.

Eve ate the fruit, not because she was hungry, but because she was curious and eager to prove herself.

Abraham slept with Hagar because his wife Sarah was impatient and convinced God needed her help.

Bathsheba had an affair with David because he was rich and powerful, but also because he was there when her husband wasn’t.

We all do dumb things when we are curious, eager to prove ourselves, impatient, “helping” God, and alone. And at some point, we have all felt each one of these incredibly human emotions.

I’ve always found the holidays to be particularly challenging in that respect.  A plethora of human emotions washes over me during this time of the year. Joy in celebration, sure, but also…

  • eagerness to prove
  • impatience
  • a need to “help” God
  • loneliness

Every year I want to prove I am giving and happier to give than receive. Have you ever felt this? An inexplicable desire to prove, to no one in particular, that you are the ‘best’ giver? Maybe I’m alone in that, but sometimes when I’m busy trying to prove that I forget what the point of the gift is in the first place. Interesting how our desire to prove ourselves often proves nothing but our own selfishness. Ouch. It’s a good thing God “redeems me from death and crowns me with love and tender mercies” (103:4), because I definitely don’t deserve such grace.

My impatience is probably award-winning too. When I want something, I often want it right then. Especially if it has been promised to me, or if I don’t understand the purpose of waiting. And this one doesn’t apply just to the holidays. I am impatient and often live for the next moment rather than the moment I’m in. The mantra “I’ll be satisfied when…” is not one I am particularly proud of.  Fortunately, even in my impatience, “the Lord is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love” (103:8).

And he doesn’t need my help. Even though I sometimes try to give it to him, he doesn’t need it. Ever. My impatience often leads to my own foolish decisions acting outside of God’s plan, but “He will not constantly accuse us, nor remain angry forever” (103:10). Which is good, because I probably deserve his wrath with the number of times I have tried to be in control (as you’re all probably aware given the number of times I’ve written about it).

What I struggle with the most this time of year is an echoing sense of loneliness. That’s stupid, right, since I have an amazing family who loves me and makes sure I know they love me. I have great friends who do the same! I’m not complaining in this post, just being honest. This year, it hit me particularly hard. As a 32-year-old single woman, I’m in a particularly weird life stage. Fitting into a ‘group’ just doesn’t happen, and that is never more evident than this time of year when people are throwing so many parties that couples have to turn down invitations because they’re overbooked. It’s not that people mean to leave out someone like me, but they think ‘oh it’s a couples party they won’t enjoy themselves,’ which is probably true because being the 3rd wheel sucks just as much. Or, in contrast, the single ladies are all a decade younger so the ‘party’ isn’t as enjoyable because our life experiences are just so vastly different. I’m not saying I’ve been sitting around feeling sorry for myself or in a state of depression–that is far from true. These are just observations I made over the past few weeks, particularly when that echo bounces around in my head, especially this year since I lost my beautiful chicken nugget, Emma, who in all her canine glory always made me feel so much less alone in the world.

Again, please don’t read this wrong. I’m not writing this to whine and complain, to make people feel bad or sorry for me! I’m writing this because God knows these feelings, all of them are what make us human and “he knows how weak we are; he remembers we are only dust” (103:14) even when we are wrapped up in our own self-importance, indulgences, and even pity.

Ultimately God is good. He “gives righteousness and justice to all” (103:6) and his “unfailing love toward those who fear him is as great as the height of the heavens above the Earth” (103:11).

Because we all need that grace and mercy every once in a while.

After all, that’s why we celebrate Christmas, God’s grace and mercy made flesh. Accessible forever, for everyone. And that’s something worth celebrating. 

The Artist’s Way Week 3: Grace, Ashley, it’s about Grace.

“It’s my experience that we’re much more afraid that there might be a God than we are that there might not be […] possibility is far more frightening than impossibility […]” (Julia Cameron)


Most people see faith and science as being mutually exclusive. They’re not. The more I think about it and the more I study, the more I see that science requires faith and vice versa in more ways than we really want to admit and maybe in more ways than we really see. And in a lot of ways this is absolutely terrifying. Why? Because science=fact. And faith being fact means that we are not as in control of our fate as we would like to be. It also means we have to get up off our asses and get something done, because there is actually more to life than just particles randomly floating in space. There is a design, a purpose, a reason. And, quite frankly, that is terrifying to a lot of people, myself included.

I can’t remember ever not believing in God—a creator. I may have questioned it, but to me it takes a lot more faith NOT to believe in God; however, being accountable to anything or anyone is downright terrifying (It’s why “I’m going to call your Mama/Daddy” can still strike fear in the heart of the even strongest teenagers…). Now consider idea of a Cosmic Critique—that’ll bring you down from narcissistic cloud nine and into the reality of having to deal with all your past—both good and bad.

But as Julia Cameron points out in The Artist’s Way, “We say we are scared of failure, but what frightens us more is the possibility of success.”

Why? Failure is what we expect—what we’ve been told to expect. What we think we deserve, and maybe what we’ve been told we deserve our entire lives. So it becomes our mantra. What it becomes is comfortable.

Success is unknown.

The fact of the matter is, failure is not what we are designed for despite what the world might hawk. We were actually created for perfection—for success. Genesis 1 details man’s purpose from the very beginning–“So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. God blessed them […] God saw all that he had made and it was very good […]”

God created us for success, but we began a pattern of self-sabotage early on. Now, we can debate the value of having introduced knowledge of good and evil into the society all day (and I have my senior English class do this—so fun), but this moment is when shame is first introduced into society. As a result, every day we battle recovering from shame and failure. But what if we understood that success is not to be feared, but embraced as our destiny? Shame is not—or at least should not be—the norm. Recovery is a long arduous process, but it is possible, and the outcome is beautiful.


“Ask and you shall receive. Knock and it shall be opened to you…” These words are among the more unpleasant ones ascribed to Jesus Christ. They suggest to possibility of scientific method: ask (experiment) and see what happens (record the results). Is it any wonder we discount answered prayers?”(Julia Cameron)


But it’s not passive, it’s active. And it is a choice. As artists—as humans we have to take that step to recovery. I love what Julia Cameron says in week three: “Action has magic, grace and power in it.” Grace. Jesus has grace too, the ultimate grace and recovery is multifaceted, rooted in a deep seated need for grace.

But you have to want it. Seek, and ye shall find…

Just be prepared for what’s on the other side of grace, whatever it may be.