Tag Archives: marriage

A Wedding Song-My Journey Through Psalms (45)

Psalm 45 is a beautiful homage to a wedding and it carries depth with the figurative language it uses. What I love most about this is that BECAUSE there is so much figurative language, the interpretation of the psalm is pretty wide open. Although it recounts a literal marriage for a king to a foreign princess, I feel more than anything there is blessing  in these verses beyond just saying ‘I do’.

Reading them now, in a modern setting, I am reminded as I sit here sipping my brewed coffee of the ultimate King and bridegroom: Jesus.

While this metaphor has been used throughout history, I can take these words into my heart at this season of life, and let it feed my soul.

Listen O Daughter, consider and give ear.

Forget your people and your father’s house […]

honor him [the King] for he is your Lord. (45: 10; 11b)

I am a gentile. I am foreign. I can be the foreign princess.

So why would the Lord, the King want me to forget my people and family? This is not a thoughtless suggestion to a bride or to me. Though it may seem thoughtless, it is an important part in becoming one with your husband.

Or with Jesus.

I don’t think this means you literally forget them, but that your loyalties must change. Who you trust and obey shifts drastically and this shift is a valuable part of the marriage process.

So as a foreign princess, I must shed what I was loyal to before Jesus and honor him as my Lord and savior. Taking off the hat of one sports team, and putting on the hat of another.

All for the sake of loyalty, honor and a healthy relationship. 

Questions to ponder:

  1. Why is it important to show your King, Jesus, or husband that you are loyal to him?
  2. What is significant about a foreign princess joining in alliance with this prominent King?
  3. How do I show my loyalty to my King?


Why aren’t you married yet?

If I had a dollar…or a quarter…or a nickel…well, let’s just say I get asked this question a lot by teenagers who have the tact of the Jolly Green Giant in a China shop.

To be fair the conversation usually starts with the pictures of my darling nieces on my walls, who, do in fact look an awful lot like me (genetics are very powerful). It goes something like this:

Me: I know.

Student: Do you have any kids?

Me: No.

Student: Do you want kids?

Me: Maybe someday. Depends on whether all you jokers drive me stark raving mad first or not.

Student: Are you married? [Bingo the million dollar question]

Me: Nope.  [And this is where it goes one of two directions]

Student A: Why aren’t you married yet?              Student B: Don’t you ever want to get married?

Neither of these conversations, of course, have anything to do with English, but you’re kidding yourself if you think my job is just about literature, grammar, and writing. And I’d be bored out of my skull if it was. My job description of course is “English Teacher” but that’s only about a third of what I actually do. My job is really relational, which is exactly why conversations like this will always happen. My students want to know more about me (of course, there is the kid who thinks I live at school…literally…but that’s a story for another day) and why I want to know more about them.

As a result I’m forced to confront my perpetual state of “singledom” (regardless of whether or not I am or am not currently dating someone) or a regular basis. And that is trying.

The door to nowhere at the Winchester Mystery House (Where I would like to send that question :-))

Because the answer is not simple.

Yes, I want to be married, someday, I think. Most days I want to be, I think. And yet…

No, maybe I don’t want to be married—I like my space—I like my independence—I like my life the way it is and change is…ah….ah…

But I do want to be married. I write Christian romances. Of course I am looking for that for myself so…

Yes, I do.

Of course, it’s not just my students who ask this, but they are the ones who ask most often.

The fact of the matter is, I’ve always pictured myself married by now. I’m not, but I’m not unhappy about it the way my 16 year old self thought I would be, so that is perplexing as well.

What I don’t want is to get married because it is what people expect. If I am simply trying to find a life mate because my society believes that I am somehow incomplete without a partner, then I’m not okay with that. I’m an individual person and I have an identity on my own without a partner.

Of course, the opposite is true too. I hate the idea embodying the extreme opinion where women are all about not getting married because marriage strips them of their independence. With the right person, marriage can add to your identity rather than strip it from you.

So, why am I not married?

I shrug or throw it back at them: Why aren’t you? I ask. Because they answer is all the same no matter what age you are (Maybe I’M still too young to be married…don’t call me old, children ;-)).

Do I want to be married?

Sure, under the right circumstances, I think we all do (even those adamantly against marriage would probably cave…haven’t you seen HIMYM?)