Tag Archives: Artists

Character, Learn it

Practical or Brave?

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I’ve been reading Oswald Chambers My Utmost for His Highest devotions. It’s not the first time I’ve gone through these, but every time I do I always learn something new about myself and my relationship with God. I’ve been ruminating on these words for the past few days: “Let God’s truth work in you by soaking in it, not by worrying into it…Obey God in the thing He shows you, and instantly the next thing is opened up.”

One of my major faults is worry. I have this major control problem, where I want to plan everything out in meticulous detail, with contingency plans and back ups for my back ups. Let me be frank, that gets exhausting. Especially because Robert Burns was absolutely right, “The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.” So when my plans don’t work out, it feel like a failure, and the problem with that is—life can’t be meticulously planned out. It just doesn’t work that way. And because I feel like it should be, I feel like my life is a complete failure.

I’ll be honest with you, this is not what I pictured my life to be like when I was 15 and planning out my future (I had it ALL PLANNED OUT!). Like most little girls, I was going to be married, with 2.5 kids, living in a suburb. I’d have a mortgage, a dog, a fenced in yard, and I’d be writing novels while taking my kids to soccer practice and church picnics. I’d be a model wife, a pillar of the community. I’d be a master baker, bringing in cupcakes and homemade bread for church functions and school PTA meetings. Once my kids were all in school I’d go back to teaching.

That’s not what my life looks like. And to be fair, I kind of shudder when I think about that being my life, too. It’s what I planned, but it’s not what God had in the cards for my life. I struggled for years feeling like a failure because I’d been rejected in multiple ways. I don’t bake (unless, you know, it comes out of a can and all I have to do is put it on a cookie sheet. Even then, there’s a 50/50 shot I’ll forget it’s in the oven and burn it anyway). I don’t cook (I worry too much about it being “perfect” and then I end up making something awful 7/10 times). I’m not married. No kids. No mortgage. My life isn’t what I planned, but…

That’s not what failure means. I’m still figuring out what God’s truth is for me. One thing I learned, was that I have to stop being so damn practical all the time. Yes, having a plan and a goal is important, it’s how I function. BUT having time to be spontaneous, fun, and brave is how I end up growing. I watch this TV Show called “Jane the Virgin”. (I know, I know, this show is not wonderful; it’s cheesy, racy, and a little on the “what the what?!?!” side of soap opera-ville. But we’ll call it a guilty pleasure). A question that is asked of the main character when she is in high school: what do you want to be? And she counters with “Am I being practical or brave?”

So can you be both practical and brave?

Oswald Chambers ended his devotional with “Beware of becoming “wise and prudent”. I don’t think that means we should stop seeking wisdom, but rather we should stop trying to become so wise that we forget who holds the ultimate Wisdom and Truth for our lives. It’s so easy to become wrapped up in our own practical truths, that we forget to trust our future to the one who knows us better than we know ourselves. We forget to be brave.

So that is my goal. To let go of my plans and soak in God’s truth. Because when you do that, doors open. And you just never know where those doors might lead.

Character, Learn it

I’m Not a Romantic…

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I have never been a romantic. And yes, I know the irony of that. I write romantic novels, but I’m not the “lovey dovey, heads in the clouds, let’s kill ourselves if we can’t have one another” kind of person. To me that is not romance. That’s stupidity.

So maybe I should say I’m not what the world would call a romantic. Because Romeo and Juliet makes me want to throw up. That my friends, is not romantic. I’m reading it with my 9th graders now, because you know, it’s part of the curriculum. But DUDE, the more I read it the more I wondimageer why we consider that romantic. Let’s take another look at that balcony scene shall we?

Romeo and Juliet just met, for the first time, that night a party Romeo crashes—which by the way he only does so because he’s looking for some other hot chick he thinks he’s in love with. Talk about flaky. He kisses Juliet, runs off and then goes and hangs out under her balcony in the middle of the night eavesdropping on her private thoughts while she’s in her nightgown. While on earth does this girl not go screaming in the other direction? That is not romantic. That is creepy stalker serial killer material there.
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I think people confuse romance with infatuation and lust. It’s just not the same thing. That’s why “romance novels” get such a bad rap. If you write romances then all you are writing about is sex and infatuation. But it shouldn’t be because that’s not what romance is—it’s certainly not what the Romantics of the early 19th century believed. Samuel Taylor Coleridge, William Wordsworth, Mary Shelly, William Blake, Walt Whitman, Nathaniel Hawthorne—these romantics were rebelling against the Age of Reason and elevating the idealism, imagination and emotion. It was more about  being an individual and thinking outside the box than it was about lust and sex.

And that’s what true Romance is.

It’s the man who tells the woman she’s beautiful when she is losing her hair because of a sickeningly and shockingly aggressive form of cancer—and he means it.

It’s the woman who comes home from her job and cooks a meal that is both healthy and hearty for her husband because she knows he loves meat, but she wants to keep him healthy for their family—even though she’s exhausted having worked all day she still puts her energy into making him happy.

It’s the mother who quits the job she loves to take care of the kids she adores for the husband she’s committed to.

It’s the boyfriend who holds her hair when she’s sick, and brings her soup…a cleans it up when she throws that up too.

It’s the messy stuff that holds a relationship together that makes something truly romantic. Helping someone understand that they don’t have to be perfect and understanding that you have to give a lot of yourself to get anything in return.

So no, I’m not a romantic. I’m realistic. Because when a relationship is real. That’s when it’s good.

Write it, Writing process

Tis’ The Season: Writing Conferences #SheSpeaks2015

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Excited.

Jittery.

Anxious.

Nervous.

No, I’m not just reading out of a thesaurus; I’m getting ready for my very first writer’s conference.

*Insert squeal of an eight year old blonde girl in ringlets*

Yes, because that is how I feel inside. Granted, I’ve never squealed in my life—well maybe when I was eight, but even then it’s unlikely. I’m not much of a squealer (whining I did a lot of, but squealing…not so much). That in no way means I don’t get excited about things, because I am pumped.

I don’t know what this conference will bring.

Maybe nothing.

Maybe something.

And that is what is so exciting!

Not knowing the outcome means the possibilities are endless. Which also means I have very few expectations. And being amenable to a wide variety of outcomes means I can be satisfied no matter what happens in the end.

Okay, so we’re entering the gushing realm here, so I’ll refrain from going on and on and ask a couple of questions:

What kinds of writing conferences have you attended and what did you get out of them?

Evidently—tis the season! I follow a lot of blogs and everyone is talking about the conference season in full swing, so I want to know what’s out there, what’s going on, and what is the experience.

The conference I am attending is entitled “She Speaks” which is specifically for Christian writers and speakers.

I am not a speaker.

Oddly, though, because I am not a speaker, this conference appealed more to me. I’d like to be a speaker. Or rather, I’d like to be able to get up in front of a crowd and talk about my writing, hopes and dreams and to be able to encourage others to seek their own hopes and dreams without wishing that the floor would swallow me whole and send me straight to Fiji!

I know, I know. I’m a teacher—I should be an expert public speaker.

No—speaking in front of pre-pubescent, and pubescent pimple popping punks, princesses and princes (I love teenagers!) is completely different than speaking in front of a crowd of peers. Believe me. If you don’t, try it some time. You’ll see.

And I’m not saying it’s easier either, it’s just different.

My point is, I’d like to be a better speaker, so this conference has perks in more than one way—including networking prospects.

Even though my expectations are wide open, I have signed up for my track and so for those of you who follow (and those of you who pray) I’d appreciate your thoughts and prayers during these times! You’re my support and I want to make sure that I get the most out of this experience that I can; the only way I can do that is to call on ALL my support—and that includes YOU!

(Oh, and I know the dangers of posting this on the internet—but be warned I have a pit bull at my house and she’ll protect it while I’m gone—plus it’s not empty. I’m not stupid.)

Thursday 7/23

1-2 welcome, worship, devotion

-I love that the conference starts out with worship and devotion. The only way any of this work can be truly blessed is if it is DEVOTED back to the ONE who blessed me in the first place. AMEN.

2:15-3:15 Finding something to talk about

-Now, we all know that I have a lot to say, but this is about avoiding procrastination, and this kind of direction—focused direction can be helpful to someone who has been talking about being a writer since she was…six? And is just now doing something about it (hey—I’m going to be 30 in a month…better late than never, right?)

3:35-4:35 What is a platform and Why do I need one? Blogging 101

-Now, I’ve been blogging for a while, but I could definitely be better (and more consistent) with it. And building a platform is important—and not easy. I am looking forward to this. Suggestions bloggers? Always welcome

5:15-6:15 How to title your book and carry its theme throughout

-I always title my books LAST because I believe that the title should be carried throughout—so if it isn’t after I title the book then I can make those changes as I edit. I wonder what suggestions they’ll have in this workshop because I’ll admit that titling is NOT my forte.

Friday 7/24

9:30-11 General session

11:20-12:20 Social media and panel discussion

-I could always use help (and advice) in improving my PR.

2-3: Storytelling on the page

-During this I will also be meeting with a publisher. My appointment is at 2pm. It will likely only last about 15 minutes. PLEASE pray at 2pm on Friday if you pray at no other time during the conference. I don’t know if this publisher will be right for me or not, but it will be a good experience and I would like to make a good impression as it is an important contact regardless of how it turns out.

 3:30-5:30 Track meetings (Word power equals Sales Power; Overcoming procrastination) 

-At 3:30 I will also take time to meet with an agent. Again, I don’t know if this agent will be interested or right for me either, but also an important experience and contact and I want to make a good impression.

8:15-9:45 Main session

Saturday 7/25

8:30-9:30 welcome, worship, morning devo

9:50-10:50 Getting things done in ministry on a budget

-I find that many times people don’t like to talk about the financial aspects of writing and publishing. It needs more attention because it isn’t cheap! And you don’t make millions.

 11:10-12:10 Take the mystery out of marketing

-Ahhhhh, that WOULD be helpful.

1:15-2:15 Memoir writing

-A genre I haven’t tackled and haven’t thought about until recently…details to come.

2:45-5:45 bonus session (critique groups)

7-8:30 main session

8:30-9:30 dessert and mingle

As you can see, it’s a PACKED agenda and I’m excited. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, if you do nothing other than just pray a little for me over the next few days I’d appreciate you—but more importantly pray for all the women at this conference because speaking and writing CAN make a difference in this crazy mixed up world of ours and the fact that there are so many women who want to try to make a difference really is a beautiful thing.

So Tis’ the Season to get your conference on.

The Artist's Way, Write it

The Artist Way Week 9-10: Take fear out of the driver’s seat, Ashley.

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There is little in life more powerful than fear. It makes us sick. It cripples us. It steals years from viable living. We give fear power, fueling it when we should be putting our energy and intentionality into our creative pursuits. Can you imagine how much more productive we would be if we eliminated our fears and concentrated more on what we could do rather than what we might not be able to do?

Julia Cameron explains it best in her book The Artist Way with this epiphany: “Life expands or shrinks in proportion to one’s courage.”

But you can’t just wish away fear. You have to be intentional and vigilant about fear—how you handle it and, for that matter, how you mishandle it.

1 John 4:18 says, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love casts out fear […emphasis added].

This is not a passive act.

Not much in life is passive actually, and the sooner we learn this lesson the happier, more creative and fulfilled we will be.

One thing I’ve been learning (failing and then intentionally recovering from) to do is to be more intentional about praying (action) and asking for God’s help in making changes in my life (active) especially when I am fearful. And God knows I’ve had my share of fear—but He also knows that each time I have intentionally made a positive change I release something inside that has been trapped and eating away at my soul—like releasing a toxin.

The other day I decided to wallow in self-pity on my couch. Life was not going according to my plan that day and I was exhausted. I felt my options were limited and I was stuck—trapped in this never ending cycle of insanity. In short, I was afraid. I stayed in this emotional state for about 10 minutes—a world class pity party until I realized all this passivity was doing was making me feel worse and not better. It wasn’t about releasing emotion, it was about regressing into a childish tantrum.

Thankfully after a prayer for strength, I picked myself off the couch and did something about it. Once I took that active step, I felt 10,000 times better and it actually yielded an unexpected return—synchronicity at its finest.

Actions—activity—doing—that’s how you cast something out, not by passively allowing your fear to take control of you. You take control. And that’s why action is so cathartic and healing. Doing something literally puts you into a self-empowering mode, on a path where fear is no longer in the driver’s seat—you are, or better yet, God is. And who doesn’t want control like that?

The Artist's Way, Write it

The Artist’s Way Week 8: Created to be Creators, Ashley

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Not that long ago, I was on a date. Inevitably we were talking about our professions and I had to confess: I am an English teacher.

Whenever I tell someone my profession I can expect one of two responses: “Wow” accompanied with wild-eyed shock, bewilderment and confusion. Stuttering, and maybe a bit of awe.

Or something that resembles disgust, an evoked memory of sorts surfacing and as I watched this man’s face fall, almost contorting, I was sure a second date wasn’t in our future.

It wasn’t long before I found out why: “My senior English teacher,” he said, bitterness dripping from his tongue to the now cold chicken, half-eaten parmesan on his plate. “She crushed me. I spent hours on a paper and when she gave it back to me it bled with all the red, judgmental ink. An F, for all that hard work.”

He poked at the chicken. I wondered whether or not you could taste the tangible bitter drippings.

I don’t remember how I responded, I don’t suppose it really mattered. I wasn’t the English teacher who crushed his creative soul, but I might as well have been. I know I have done the same. Not on purpose, of course, but by the very nature of my job—I deconstruct, I judge, I take apart, ripping work to the very seams. It’s what I’m paid to do. I quantify creativity that is never really meant to be quantified and for students who actually work hard to produce that piece, it can be debilitating to their creative egos.

I never get to appreciate my student work for what it is—a beautiful process of self-discovery.

Granted, this process is supposed to help them improve on their process of self-discovery, but as an academic I have to be careful. There is a fine line between butcher and doctor, destroyer and healer. Like a tightrope walker, one step in the wrong direction and I will plummet taking delicate psyches with me.

Through the process of reading The Artist’s Way I am beginning to understand not only more about myself, but the importance of what I do as a teacher—not only of academics but of creative aspirations. Not all of my students are writers, readers, or academics. But all of my students have creative souls, in some way shape or form, because they are all humans and it is a basic human need, maybe even a right, to create.

If we are created in God’s image, then we are created to be creators.